| Aging is a fact of life; nothing that we do or say can | | | | They don't really know what to do with all of their time; |
| really change this fact. As we all get older, our health is | | | | before, they were always watching their children's ball |
| going to change as well; hopefully good health stays | | | | games, going shopping with them, or just having others |
| with our families and loved ones as long as possible, | | | | at the dinner table to help liven up the conversation. |
| but sometimes we just aren't that lucky, and fate deals | | | | They aren't really having a problem with anything in |
| us a different hand than we expected. What exactly | | | | their marriage life, but they don't have really anything to |
| are we supposed to do? How should we deal with it? | | | | talk about. They have never had this much time alone, |
| Some people deal with aging better than others. Are | | | | and don't know what to do with the next thirty years |
| you someone who wants to age gracefully or are you | | | | of their life together. |
| going to put up a fight? Is having your first grey hair or | | | | If this has happened to you, what did you and your |
| losing your last hair on your head the end of the world | | | | partner do that helped? Can you imagine this |
| or is it going to be a day that you remember for the | | | | happening to you? What should Sally and Marty do to |
| rest of your life? | | | | solve this? |
| If you have a spouse or long-term partner, you may | | | | One thing that can help couples in their marriage when |
| notice that they are growing older. We often don't | | | | they are having problems that are related to health |
| notice that we are getting older ourselves. In your | | | | and aging is to study their past. If you've watched your |
| partner you might see it on the number of hairs in his | | | | parents and other friends and seen how they dealt |
| comb; the number of pairs of pants that she can't get | | | | with aging, you might be able to get clues to how you |
| into; or the new wrinkle that she had whenever she | | | | will age. We all form our beliefs off of our |
| smiles is now on her face all the time now, even when | | | | observations that we make from the time we are |
| she isn't smiling. | | | | young to the present day. Our beliefs can change |
| I have one client who is having a disagreement on | | | | over time, but usually we have a lot of the beliefs that |
| what they think is the best way to age. Take a look at | | | | our parents gave to us (either from mimicking them or |
| their story, and tell me what you think. | | | | from doing the exact opposite of what they did). I |
| Bob and Kelly | | | | outline all of the different types of Marriage Blueprints |
| Bob and Kelly have been married for more years than | | | | that couples can have; find out which one you belong |
| Kelly would admit it. In fact, if you subtracted the years | | | | to. |
| that they were married from how old Kelly claims she | | | | Wild Things can sometimes have a problem with aging |
| is, she and Bob would have gotten married when Kelly | | | | and health problems, because they are so active in |
| was only 12. Kelly goes to the spa every week, won't | | | | their life; when they get older, they are often frustrated |
| step outside the door without a hat for fear of | | | | when life starts slowing down on them. Wild Things live |
| wrinkles and wants to get cosmetic surgery to make | | | | life while they can, and can't wait to tell their |
| her face and body look even younger. | | | | grandchildren stories of how they did some wild things. |
| Bob says that she loves Kelly for the way that she is, | | | | If you are a Blissmate, you are a lot like Wild Things, in |
| and that she doesn't want her to change the way she | | | | that you want to have a lot of new experiences, but |
| looks too drastically, especially with something that has | | | | at the same time, you want to experience these things |
| risks involved with it and could possibly be dangerous. | | | | with your spouse. When one of you has to take a |
| What do you think about this? Have you or your | | | | break at a certain activity for whatever reason, it |
| friends had an experience like this, where one person | | | | usually sidelines the other member of the couple. |
| in the couple wants to stay young, while the other | | | | Pilgrims are really interested in something in their life, |
| wants to just let nature take your course? This may | | | | and usually put all of their passion and life into this one |
| not just include getting plastic surgery done or spa | | | | topic. Health and aging problems can be really |
| days, but can include getting a toupee, buying a fast | | | | frustrating for this group of people, but at the same |
| sports car on your 50th birthday, dating a much | | | | time, Pilgrims usually get closer to their goals with age. |
| younger man (or woman), or just trying to hang out | | | | Like Sally and Marty, the Big Heart Family followers |
| more with your adult children and their friends. | | | | usually get empty nest syndrome. Family is the most |
| If you are worried about the way that you are aging, | | | | important thing to these people, and when everyone |
| one thing that might help is the Intimacy Paradox. This | | | | moves out of the house, they are really depressed |
| paradox is something that I've been sharing with my | | | | and don't know what to do with their lives. |
| private clients for years. The principle is pretty easy to | | | | Pioneers, who are duty bound, want to make sure that |
| understand, and says that if you want to have a great | | | | they fulfill their duty. If their partner is ill, they will want to |
| marriage, you need to accept yourself 100% and you | | | | take care of them, because of this duty. What in |
| need to accept your partner 100% for who they are | | | | interesting about pioneers is that they often have a |
| right now. If you plan on changing yourself or your | | | | cause that they tend to serve, but they are very loyal |
| partner when you (or they) don't want to, you will end | | | | and will drop everything for their partner. |
| up having resentment in your relationship. | | | | Visionary families are also very oriented on a goal, and |
| Do you think that the Intimacy Paradox would work in | | | | want to share this vision with their spouses. Visionaries |
| Bob and Kelly's relationship? Would it work in yours? | | | | often want to go to new places to further their vision, |
| 100% acceptance of yourself and your partner may | | | | and are often very disappointed if they don't get to |
| seem like it is difficult to do; what do you think that the | | | | fulfill their dreams due to aging or health issues. |
| most difficult thing to accept about your partner is | | | | The Golden Rule Family of marriage blueprints |
| going to be? Is there something that you don't think | | | | considers fairness and equality to be number one. |
| that you could accept about your partner? | | | | When they are young, the golden rulers believe that |
| In this case study, another of my couples that I help out | | | | old people should be respected, and when they age, |
| is having problems with health and aging. See if you | | | | they expect to be treated well themselves. |
| can relate to them, and see if you have had these | | | | The eighth of the Marriage Blueprints is the Royal |
| problems or if can envision having these problems in | | | | Family. This blueprint is one that makes social status |
| the future. | | | | really important; with age, social status grows and then |
| Sally and Marty | | | | declines when you are too old to keep up your social |
| Sally and Marty aren't an old couple. They got married | | | | status by getting your face out there. Aging is really |
| young, had children pretty early, and now are in their | | | | hard for the Royal Family because their whole life is |
| early 50s. Recently, their youngest child just left for | | | | based on how people perceive them. |
| college, so now it is just the two of them at home. | | | | |