| Dear Tonja,I need some dating advice. I am a | | | | You deserve someone wonderful. You deserve a |
| 57-year-old woman and the guy I am seeing is 60. He | | | | man you are attracted to who shares your values, |
| just got out of divorce number four. He is wealthy and | | | | and who is loyal, tender, kind, and accomplished. If you |
| has moved a 35-year-old into his house as his girlfriend. | | | | do not feel you deserve such a man, look for a |
| I live in another city and he says he wants both of us | | | | counselor or a coach.*Age. Women are sensitive |
| in his life. He is older than her mother or her father. Is | | | | about age. We are acutely aware that men can and |
| there something wrong with him?Signed, | | | | often do choose younger women for mates. |
| Terribly HurtDear Hurt,You are not alone in your pain. | | | | However, not ALL men choose someone younger, |
| As improbable as it sounds, we can all find ourselves in | | | | and for those men who are only looking for youth, you |
| this same predicament. We can get cornered and think | | | | don't want them. Breeze on by this type of person. |
| we have few or no choices. We think there is only | | | | Focus on what you can do, on whom you can find, |
| one job or one school or one house for us. In your | | | | and let go of what is never going to be.*Role Models. |
| case...it's this one man. You can't see your options or | | | | Somewhere, you absorbed a role model and a belief |
| your opportunities and therefore, look to see what is | | | | that says men are in charge of your life and your |
| wrong with him, as if he would or could change his | | | | happiness. The reality is, you can be in charge of your |
| behavior for you.Let's look at what you are | | | | destiny if you shift this thought.*Choices. If you felt you |
| saying:DenialYou think you are in love with a man who | | | | had more choices in men, would you want this man in |
| has another much younger woman living with him? | | | | your life? When we shrink our life down to zero |
| First, your relationship is not mutual. If you accept this | | | | possibilities, we obsess over trying to make something |
| arrangement, you are acting more like a mother to him | | | | work with someone unsuitable. A perceived lack of |
| than as an equal. And why would you want to be with | | | | choices can make you hold on.Why cling to a |
| someone who treats you so | | | | relationship that makes you feel bad when there is a |
| badly?DeceptionObviously, this man has been | | | | world of opportunity waiting for you? You can't get |
| deceiving you, to string you along as if you matter to | | | | boxed into a corner thinking you only have one hand to |
| him and then to live with someone else. You are | | | | play. As the old song goes..."You gotta know when to |
| deceiving yourself if you think he can care about you | | | | hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em..."You can do |
| in any deep abiding way. What is it you want from | | | | it.TonjaVisit or for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, |
| him? Do you look for a committed relationship with him | | | | relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree |
| when he shows you he cannot give you loyalty and | | | | Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, |
| exclusiveness?Self-worthYour relationship with | | | | life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. |
| yourself is what I call D.A.R.C. This is an acronym for | | | | Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if |
| the following:*Deserving. You are acting like you don't | | | | reprinting this article. |
| deserve a great love in your life who loves you back. | | | | |