| Dear Tonja,I need some dating advice. I am a | | | | you don't deserve a great love in your life |
| 57-year-old woman and the guy I am seeing is | | | | who loves you back. You deserve someone |
| 60. He just got out of divorce number four. | | | | wonderful. You deserve a man you are |
| He is wealthy and has moved a 35-year-old | | | | attracted to who shares your values, and who |
| into his house as his girlfriend. I live in | | | | is loyal, tender, kind, and accomplished. If |
| another city and he says he wants both of us | | | | you do not feel you deserve such a man, look |
| in his life. He is older than her mother or | | | | for a counselor or a coach.*Age. Women are |
| her father. Is there something wrong with | | | | sensitive about age. We are acutely aware |
| him?Signed, | | | | that men can and often do choose younger |
| | | | women for mates. However, not ALL men choose |
| Terribly HurtDear Hurt,You are not alone in | | | | someone younger, and for those men who are |
| your pain. As improbable as it sounds, we | | | | only looking for youth, you don't want them. |
| can all find ourselves in this same | | | | Breeze on by this type of person. Focus on |
| predicament. We can get cornered and think | | | | what you can do, on whom you can find, and |
| we have few or no choices. We think there is | | | | let go of what is never going to be.*Role |
| only one job or one school or one house for | | | | Models. Somewhere, you absorbed a role model |
| us. In your case...it's this one man. You | | | | and a belief that says men are in charge of |
| can't see your options or your opportunities | | | | your life and your happiness. The reality |
| and therefore, look to see what is wrong with | | | | is, you can be in charge of your destiny if |
| him, as if he would or could change his | | | | you shift this thought.*Choices. If you felt |
| behavior for you.Let's look at what you are | | | | you had more choices in men, would you want |
| saying:DenialYou think you are in love with a | | | | this man in your life? When we shrink our |
| man who has another much younger woman living | | | | life down to zero possibilities, we obsess |
| with him? First, your relationship is not | | | | over trying to make something work with |
| mutual. If you accept this arrangement, you | | | | someone unsuitable. A perceived lack of |
| are acting more like a mother to him than as | | | | choices can make you hold on.Why cling to a |
| an equal. And why would you want to be with | | | | relationship that makes you feel bad when |
| someone who treats you so | | | | there is a world of opportunity waiting for |
| badly?DeceptionObviously, this man has been | | | | you? You can't get boxed into a corner |
| deceiving you, to string you along as if you | | | | thinking you only have one hand to play. As |
| matter to him and then to live with someone | | | | the old song goes..."You gotta know when to |
| else. You are deceiving yourself if you | | | | hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em..."You |
| think he can care about you in any deep | | | | can do it.TonjaVisit or for more tips, |
| abiding way. What is it you want from him? | | | | skills, and insight on dating, relationships, |
| Do you look for a committed relationship with | | | | singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree |
| him when he shows you he cannot give you | | | | Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's |
| loyalty and exclusiveness?Self-worthYour | | | | coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, |
| relationship with yourself is what I call | | | | Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. |
| D.A.R.C. This is an acronym for the | | | | (Please note source if reprinting this |
| following:*Deserving. You are acting like | | | | article. |