My Life Would Be Carefree, If It Wasn't For MySpace

Recently after years and years of heartaches,how many friends I now had, I realized that the number
letdowns, and countless Saturdays nights spentof my friends had shrunk instead of grown. That
stumbling half-drunk around dark bars in a vain attemptmeant one of two things: Either MySpace was broken
to find love, I decided that it was time to grow up. I hador SOMEONE HAD DELETED ME AS A FRIEND!
finally had enough of my party-all-the-time lifestyle. ItNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!I frantically searched
was time to get serious andthrough my friends list to see if I could find a face that
start thinking about the important issues in life. I neededwas missing. The only problem with this was that most
to decide where I was going in life, what my plan wasof the people on MySpace use fake names and most
for the future. I needed to realize who my true friendsof them have weird pictures that technically aren't
were, who liked me for me and not for my generousthem instead of pictures of their actual faces. When I
nature after a few beers. I needed to figure out who Iadded them as friends I knew who 'jellyrollkid' and
was. I needed to get in touch with the real me. I'tummystickzkilla' were but now I had no earthly idea.
needed to come up with a cool username for myThere was no way for me to find out who had
Myspace account.Yes, in the mist of freeing my lifedeleted me as a friend so that I could rectify the
from all negativity and letting go of bad habits that Isituation. I felt like the nerdy kid in school who everyone
had acquired years ago, I stumbled across this websitegives the silent treatment and he has no clue why. I
called Everyone had been talking about it but I had nodidn't sleep well that night.A little time has passed now
idea what it was. I consider myself pretty online savvyand I'm a little more hip to the MySpace world. I know
so I had to find out more about this Myspace. After anow that instead of telling someone to their face or
few minutes looking the site over I decided that it wasover the phone that you have a problem with them,
probably a cool place to meet people and since I didn'tthe adult thing to do is to delete them as a friend on
go to the bar much anymore I needed somewhere toMySpace.I've also learned that if someone breaks up
use my pickup lines. Of course now I was using thesewith you the adult thing to do is to visit their MySpace
lines to find Miss Right, a soulmate, not Miss Right Now,page everyday and send nasty emails to anyone of
who was, typically, not around for quite as long.Mythe opposite sex that leaves them any
favorite MySpace feature? It's FREE! It would cost mecomments.Recently I've also learned that if someone
no money whatsoever. See Mom, I was becomingsends you a message on MySpace and you don't
more responsible already.After hours of deliberation Ireply to it they can go into their sent messages folder
decided that 'poetskinny' was a great username thatand see if you have read it or not, and if you have
fit me perfectly seeing as I am skinny and I like tothen they are well within their rights to call you at home
pretend to write poetry. The username I really wantedand use dirty words when you answer the
was 'drunkinpublic696969' but surprisingly that wasphone.Another piece of info I'd like to share: People are
already taken. So was 'pooperscooper08'. Don'tvery sensitive about where you place them on your
ask.Now it was time to find old friends and send themfriend list. If you don't put someone in your 'Top Friends'
friend requests and find new people and ask them ifsection and they think they should be there they will
they wanted be 'friends' with a total stranger. I love thejokingly ask you 'Why the $$&**#^@&* not! and then
world wide web! I felt a little funny sending people whothey will go into a 15 minute
had been my friends for years 'friend requests' but Ilecture on how you've known them longer than
guess that's the way it's done on MySpace. Whileso-n-so and how they are definitely a better friend
doing this I got my first feeling of apprehension but Ithan HER. Do not be surprised if the tires on your cars
swept it aside as stomach pains. Sometimes thoseare mysteriously low on air the next morning.Truthfully, I
Gorditas just don't go down like they should. Or comedo enjoy my MySpace account despite all the drama.
out like they should for that matter.For about 2 weeks IIt gives me something to do everyday and I feel
was in MySpace heaven. Everyday I was making newimportant typing in my password. It also let's me keep
friends and finding old friends. I had more friends thatin touch with a lot of old friends who live in different
the cheerleader with the nice rack in high school. I feltstates now who I don't like well enough to waste
popular, suave, and in control. The picture I uploadedanytime minutes on. So all and all I guess I can see
caught my good side and the goatee I was sportingwhy everyone is always talking about MySpace. I
was a nice touch. Woman I didn't know startedguess it
sending me friend requests from all over the country.still gets my vote. As long as it stays free...Oh yeah, I
This was the life. Everyday I checked my account tofinally figured out who deleted me as a friend that first
see how many friends I had now. Things were goingtime: It was Tom!Timothy Ward writes 'I Never Said I
great, MySpace had my vote. MySpace in 2008!Was Normal' a weekly humor column that is sure to
MySpace in 2008! And then tragedy struck.Oneget your mind off the world for just long enough for a
afternoon while performing my normal MySpace ritual,good laugh. Visit to subscribe.
inviting hot girls to be my friend and checking to see